Life Changes When did I stop caring?
by Angelic Devil217
Summary: Xander's thinking about friendship, life.....Cordelia.
1. Life changes. When did I stop caring?

Disclaimer – Joss Whedon owns BtVS not me don't sue" I own Xander's hat and Uncle Peter, and the plot.   

He sits alone, a cup of black coffee in one hand the other absently playing with the baseball cap at his left, normally it's a coffee with milk and sugar but today he'd rather it was black, he's not in a sunny mood.

 The baseball cap didn't really suit him anymore maybe when he was 16, but now he was 21 the hair was long again falling lightly over his forehead a dark enthralling midnight black.

  Staring out over the crowded mall, he sighed his amber eyes running over the familiar sights from his childhood, laughing at school with friends, coffee right here with his girl of the moment. But life changes don't it? People grow up, move away, they change, he changed, his friends changed, the only thing that didn't were his parents – still the same still didn't care.

 The baseball caps a comfort really his uncle (mom's half brother Peter – the only worthwhile person in the family, a doctor no less) had given it to him, it was an LA Dodgers hat he didn't support them he liked football more but Uncle Peter had been a big fan. 

 Uncle Pete had died of "unknown causes" ten years ago, Sunnydale speak for two little bite holes in his neck. The boy he used to be had been distraught Uncle Pete was the only guy in his family nice to him, the man he was now only saw yet another vampire killing, to add to Jesse, Jenny Calendar, Harmony Kendall, Principal Snyder (not so much caring there folks), Kendra to name but a few. Vampires could piss him off sometimes. 

 Angel

 Now there was a guy who had everything he never had – charisma, charm, Buffy, strength, slaying capability…Sure he had that whole curse thing but even that worked for him. 

 Sometimes vampires _really_ pissed him off.

Maybe the cap was a comfort but he hadn't worn it in three years, not since Cordelia left. So why now was he pulling it onto his head, black hair sticking out in disarray?

 Many reasons really. Not just one. It never is though is it?  If it's one it's lots. Complex. That's life in a nutshell if truth were told. And truth was a bitch to come by in this day and age.

 Reason one Anya. Reason two? Himself.

 Anya…well there you go. 

 Himself? He wasn't special. Not smart. Not strong. Not magical.

 Somehow it didn't matter, somehow it really didn't, it all had before, back then. When it mattered. Back in the days of the scoobies. But everything was different then he was with Cordelia, Buffy was fun and he and Willow were still best friends.

 Life changes. Was that the original point?

 Maybe.

 Maybe it didn't matter.

 Maybe it never did.

 That was the problem the not caring scared him. Since when was Alexander LaVelle Harris apathetic? Since never that's when. He'd always cared about friends about Cordy, Anya (though not thankfully at the same time), Buffy, Willow, Dawn, heck even Giles he was nicer to Xander when he was growing up, _really_ growing up, forming morals, exploring sex, relationships and friendship and just what the difference was, than Xander's father ever was, Giles was around more too come to think of it. 

But now he failed to care, it was like someone had pulled the plug on his emotions, "Nope sorry Xander, old buddy, old pal, you don't need them anymore, what the heck did you need them for in the first place anyway?" A hard question when you really stopped to think about it. Which he never had, the little guy deep inside him could stand there and ask, wave his wooden stick around if he wanted, but Xander just didn't _care_ enough anymore.

 When was the last time he'd felt that old feeling of worry or fear? Don't know that answer either. 

 He remembered the last time he'd felt passion of anger, followed by that hollow feeling he felt all the time now. 

 When Cordy left.

 Cordy could make him laugh, smile, yell, and once even cry. He missed her, yeah her fire, her spark, her vivacity.  Anya just didn't do it, she wasn't Cordy, the way he felt with Anya was safe, secure, _comfortable_. 

 Where was the fun? Passion? _Love?_

 Los Angeles.

 With Angel and Wesley.

 The cap was great and all, but maybe it was time to go do something about his life.

 And maybe he'd do that in LA.

A/N Okay I started writing this and just went with it, it was gong to be just a stream-of-consciousness thing, but it appears to have turned into a Cordy/Xander fic.

 Next chapter Xander turns up in LA folks, beware, romance shall not be around for a while! 

Warning, this entire story is going to have mature Xander in it so if it's a OOC it's the way he has to be for this story.

And yes I am more a Cordy/Xander supporter than Anya/Xander 

The story will also have Buffy/Angel undertows.

Note for later chapters – I don't watch Angel


	2. In LA. What now?

Disclaimer- don't own

Okay I know nothing about 'Angel' 'cept there's Cordy, Wesley, Doyle, Angel and Gunn (I love Gunn I saw him in one of three episodes I have seen and he was great "So which scaly, pus monster y'all want me to slay this time?" Love it.) I also know Doyle's dead – I ain't that dense okay so my friend told me when I couldn't care less, but I do know!

A/N Okay so here's Chapter 2! Enjoy!

 LA sure was big.

 'Understatement Xand-man' Xander thought as he stepped off the bus.

  Everyone in LA had someplace to be, someone to be with, and something to do. You could tell by the way no one even tossed a glance in his direction. 

 It was already approaching dark, what good old Oz used to call Vampire-stretch-and-yawn-period.

And as Xander drew near an alleyway (a **dark** alleyway) which hopefully, and according to the address he had, led to Angels offices (Okay does Angel's agency have a name? Sorry I don't watch Angel. Could someone tell me if they review? Thanks) He tentatively touched the comforting wooden stake in his back pocket. It was one of Buffy's, ole trusty; he'd dusted many vamps with this old stake. Kinda like Kendra's Mr. Pointy.

 It may only be twilight, but this alley made twilight darker – and anyway the vamps were probably awake and hungry already.

 Naturally Xander didn't want to be eaten or vamped tonight. He'd only just got the courage to even **come.**

Sure it had been spur of the moment but the adrenaline was fading fast, sure he got there saw Cordy.The what? What was he going to say? "Hey Cor, just thought I'd come over, leave everyone back in Sunnydale including my fiancée (ex-fiancée, **that** discussion had not been pretty) and se if we still had a chance. What do you say Cor?" Yeah. Sure. That'll work. This was Cordelia Chase we're on about here.

 'Note to self' Xander thought as he walked warily down the shadowy alley, "Always formulate a plan, it works for Buffy.' 

 The noise and light from the street behind Xander dwindled to whispers and he was alone. Strange whispers and creaks filled his ears and shifting shadows instantly put him on edge.

 Clearly the vampire that decided Xander looked like a tasty morsel was a rookie. He looked younger than Xander, with a serious almost frightening acne problem.

 Xander saw him coming. Appearing like a big, dorky bat. He lunged at Xander. Correction, he lunged and impaled himself on the fist Xander flung out.

 Blinking it took Xander at least ten seconds to realize he knocked the vamp over.

 Hurriedly he withdrew ole trusty from his pocket and brandished it threateningly.

 Turning to where the vampire should have been Xander realized his first mistake.

 He'd taken his eyes off the vampire

 He was gone.

 His second mistake was to stall.

 The vampire came at him again, faster this time, maybe learning from his own mistakes.

 He knocked Xander to the floor, and al the air rushed out of Xander's lungs scarily, Xander gasped for air desperately. The vampire held Xander's shoulders tightly, he lowered his fangs to Xander's neck.

 Slowly.

Score second mistake for fang-man.

 'Stupid, rookie vampire' Xander thought as his lungs finally filed with air, he raised his knees and kicked the vamp away forcefully. Mr. Acne flew and hit the alley wall with a dull thud.

 Standing, Xander looked around quickly, ole trusty had soared from his hand when the force of the vampire cannonball had hit him.

 Spotting it by some crates, he ran over and scooped it up. His eyes on the vampire at all times – he was beginning to stir.

 Holding ole rusty ahead of him Xander straightened and advanced on the vamp who suddenly leapt to hi feet and ran at Xander – an angry dash, a last ditch attempt to get some breakfast. His eyes widened as he spotted the stake and - ……

 Turned to a pile of dust at Xander's feet.

 Yet again the vamp had impaled himself. On a stake this time not Xander's fist.

 "Stupid, rookie vampire." Xander reiterated, this time out loud, as he massaged his back where he'd hit the ground and put ole trusty in his back pocket

 "You don' t get smart vampires buddy. Their all stupid." A voice from the shadows told in conversationally.

 "Huh?" Xander asked squinting into the darkness.

 A tall, black man stepped forward, hands in his pockets, his head held confidently high. He was smiling his eyes twinkling slightly.

"You looking for something man? Or just a couple of un-deads to dust?" He asked pleasantly.

 "I'm looking for a guy called Angel." Xander informed him. "He's got some sorta agency round here."

 Yeah. I know Angel, you in trouble?"

 "No. Just looking for Angel and an old friend. Don't worry Angel will know who I am. Me and dead-boy go way back."

 The stranger smiled wider at the dead-boy comment. "Dead-boy? I like it. Gotta use that sometime." 

 "So you know where he is?" Xander asked.

 "Yeah if you know Angel, you'll know he does most of his work at night." 

 "Makes sense."

 "Yeah. So anyway this way, er…?"

 "Xander. Xander Harris."

 "The names Gunn. I'm a vampire killer, cuz they sure piss me off."

 "Yeah. Me too"

Thank you for my reviewers!!!

Apologies cuz I don't, A) Live in LA

                       B) Watch Angel

Could someone e-mail or leave a review telling me the name of Angel's business? And anything I get wrong? Thanks!

I'll get the next chapter out soon, Angel, Cordy, Wesley and Xander meet for the first time in three years. Part Cordy's POV part Xander's POV.

Asta! Piper-Katelyn (Hidden Angel)


	3. Queen C meets the Zeppo

Disclaimer- not mine

Okay it has been creepishly long since I updated, I was sifting through and found this old chestnut, some major changes since I last updated though, I am now a major fan of 'Angel', and (I love Connor Not I-love-Cordy, just the way Connor is) I also, need to bring the timeline forward a little, this is after Buffy comes back but before Xander left Anya on their wedding day. And this is just after "Habeas Corpses" in Angel, which means Fred, Lorne and Connor, are present so spoilers may occur. Okay? All right then on with the chapter.

"Wow. Angel owns a hotel?" Xander enquired quirking an eyebrow at Gunn.

 "Yeah. Not a fully-functioning hotel but a hotel." Gunn shrugged as he pushed open the door and stepped inside. "Yo Angel you got a visitor!" He yelled.

 Xander winced at the mans brash entrance and looked around warily, there was a young, mousy looking girl behind the counter, she had an essence that Xander recognized as Willow-esque about her, leaning next to her was a green, horned demon, and Xander thought ruefully "That should really bug me."  Before cracking a slightly cynical smile. Sitting on a rather moth-eaten red couch was a young boy maybe seventeen with chin length brown hair. Xander shifted from foot to foot as they all stared at him, the girl stepped around and approached him.

 "Hi I'm Fred-"

 "Fred?" Xander asked.

 "Winifred Hooper."  She blushed. "And you are?"

 "Xander Harris. I'm from Sunnydale."

 "Oh. Oh! Wow, this is Lorne," She told him gesturing at the green demon who waved a little campishly Xander thought, "And that's Connor. Angels son." 

Xander choked on his welcome and began to cough, Fred looked a little disturbed and Connor – _Angels son?_ – watched a smirk on his lips.

 "Are you okay?" Fred asked, concerned

 "Fang-boy has a son?" Xander choked out, "That's possible, _how?_" 

 "We don't exactly know that yet," Fred began to explain, "Angel and Darla-"

 "_Darla? _As in scary little Catholic schoolgirl? I need to sit down." Xander boneless, spilled onto the other end of the couch from the fruit of dead-boys loins. "Hold on, Buffy staked Darla years ago. So how are her dead-boy bumping uglies?"

 Fred blushed brighter.

 "Wolfram and Hart brought her back." Gunn explained.

"Who're-…… No never mind. And I'm not even gonna ask how he's like seventeen years old" Xander started before waving his hand dismissively. "Is Cordy here?" Xander saw Connor's head fly up at the mention of Cordelia.

 "Um she's here somewhere. Did you know Cordy well?" Fred asked intrigued by the visitor from the Home of the Hellmouth.

 Xander paused his lips rising in a smirk that was almost a smile. "We dated from junior year until the middle of Senior. Before that we battled the forces of evil together. And each other. With the battling. We weren't amazing friends to start with, in fact I really hated her."

 "Feelings were mutual Harris" Cordelia said from the top of the stairs where she stood with Angel.

 "Hey Queen C." Xander replied a lopsided smile on his face.

 "Hey Zeppo." Cordy smirked before hurrying down the stairs, she quickly approached Xander and hugged him tightly, "What are you doing here?"

 "Had to get out of Sunnydale for awhile and didn't really have anyplace to go, I considered visiting Oz, but the lack of knowing where he is kinda didn't help."

 Cordelia shrugged, "Last I heard Tibet was his stomping ground."

 "Yeah me too. So how you been Cor?" 

"Pretty good." Cordy replied her eyes cutting away slightly from his face.

 Xander frowned perplexed, before he spotted Angel on his right, "Hey Dead-boy, ow you doing?"

 "Hey." Angel replied in his usual reticent way. "Xander where are you staying?"

 "Bus shelters?" Xander replied, "I'm not. I was gonna look later just a motel or something."

 "You can stay here, help out if you want we-"

 "Help the helpless!" Fred chirped finishing Angels sentence.

 Xander smiled, a genuine smile, "Hey thanks Angel."

 "What can you do?" Gunn asked

 Xander smirked hooking his thumbs into his jeans pockets, "Nothing Gunn, I am useless in all but doughnut fetching."

 "He's reluctant research guy." Cordelia explained.

 "He dusted a vamp back there pretty well when I found him." Gunn said 

 "Yeah but he was stupid, he dusted himself, threw his own dumb ass at my stake." Xander laughed sure of his own inability at anything.

 "We can always use extra help." Fred smiled. "Want me to show you to a room?" 

 "Hey thanks for this guys. And nice to met you." He said to Lorne and Connor, Lorne smiled and retuned the sentiment, Connor just glared at him. 

 "See you're a chirpy camper there Connor." Xander said before turning away uneasily, that kid was weird.

 "And er, Fred could you fill me in on what's going on?" Xander asked sheepishly.

 "Sure, I can understand how this all may seem sorta weird what with a green demon and Angel having a son, although you're from Sunnydale so maybe you're well immersed in the weird….. I'm babbling right? Just tell me to shut up."

 Xander smiled as he followed Fred up the stairs, "It's cool you remind me a lot of my friend Willow actually."

 Xander was unaware of Cordelia's eyes on his back and of the way she was feeling suddenly happy in a way she hadn't felt since she left Sunnydale. Or Connors angry eyes burning into his back.

A/N thanks for reading and from now on this story will not follow 'Angel' timelines but mine, there may be mentions of like Lilah and W+H the Beast'll probably figure somewhere, other 'Buffy' characters and 'Buffy' events will be mentioned and appear but it's now essentially a weird love square between Angel, Cordy Connor and my boy Xander.

 Please review!

Kate


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